We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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