It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
