I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
