I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
