I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
