Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Randomize
