Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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