I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
