I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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