It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
