Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
