Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
