god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
