Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's Friday. Sex?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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