I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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