I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
