It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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