He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
