OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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