He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
