Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
