this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
