do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
