My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want a musical about memes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
