Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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