She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
