if you like me you must not know who I am
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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