well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
