oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
