i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
