Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
