When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
