We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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