i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
even my farts smell like vagina
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
