i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
