Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
