soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
