hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
