I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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