Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
