Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
