Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
