i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
