oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
