Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
