You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
