It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
