i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need to align my fucking chakras
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