Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
