It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
