me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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