I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
