I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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