yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
