im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
