K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
