Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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